Last night for Family Home Evening, we read President Eyring's message titled ""That He May Write Upon Our Hearts" in the August 2009 Ensign (Linked here). Wow is it close to home! Quoting from the first page:
Parting can be hard, particularly when the parent and the child know that they may not see each other for a long time. I had that experience with my father. We parted on a street corner in New York City. He had come there for his work. I was there on my way to another place. We both knew that I probably would never return to live with my parents under the same roof again.
It was a sunny day, around noontime, the streets crowded with cars and pedestrians. On that particular corner there was a traffic light which stopped the cars in all directions for a few minutes. The light changed to red; the cars stopped. The crowd of pedestrians hurried off the curbs, moving every way, including diagonally, across the intersection.
The time had come for parting, and I started across the street. I stopped almost in the center, with people rushing by me. I turned to look back. Instead of moving off in the crowd, my father was still standing on the corner looking at me. To me he seemed lonely and perhaps a little sad. I wanted to go back to him, but I realized the light would change and so I turned and hurried on.
Years later I talked to him about that moment. He told me that I had misread his face. He said he was not sad; he was concerned. He had seen me look back, as if I were a little boy, uncertain and looking for assurance. He told me in those later years that the thought in his mind had been: “Will he be all right? Have I taught him enough? Is he prepared for whatever may lie ahead?”
There were more than thoughts in his mind. I knew from having watched him that he had feelings in his heart. He yearned for me to be protected, to be safe. I had heard and felt that yearning in his prayers—and even more in the prayers of my mother—for all the years I had lived with them. I had learned from that, and I remembered.
My little J will get on a plane Saturday at noon with his Dad just as President Eyring did in this message, and travel to a far away place - first Virginia and then to New York to investigate two schools who have offered scholarships for him to play basketball. This marks the end of his time here at home. (sobbing!) Have I done enough? Can't we roll back the sands of time and try again. I would change and do so much more! Have I taught him, is he prepared? How will he sleep at night without someone there to tuck him in? Oh Father, how did you let us come to this earth and leave your presence? My heart is heavy. I know I must let him go. It would be wrong for me to hold him back from this dream - this answer to his prayers that he can play college ball. My home will have a huge void! The chicks will not be all tucked in under their safety blankets, I can't check his lights, and kiss his forehead! "I love you forever J! I like you for ALWAYS! For Ever and Ever my Baby you'll be!" Oh how many times have I said that to him as I kissed him long after he is asleep! This is hard!
Today, Tuesday, he is getting his wisdom teeth (all 4) pulled since we most likely won't get him home for more than just a couple of days before January when he can turn in his Missionary Papers to serve the Lord! We learned yesterday afternoon about a testing program where they pay you to pull your teeth, testing the pain medicine administered following the procedure. We have to investigate that this morning, and possibly we will change. The dentist here wants $310/tooth to pull them. This other program they pay you $200-$300 to do it. It is not available here in St. George, he would have to be in Salt Lake, so we will see what happens. That is quite a sum of money $1200 spent verses the $1200 + $300 saved could mean a couple of airline tickets to visit my baby!
Sunday I was searching for a message for B's talk for primary, and was guided to this talk available on the BYU Speeches site, thanks Father for guiding me! We listened to this message as we made Sunday dinner!
"At first, perhaps, you can understand what [God] is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof. . . . But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that . . . does not seem to make sense. . . . He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of. . . . You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace.6" CS Lewis
I pray that J will be guided and directed in making the right decision. I have to plan as if he won't be coming home but rather choosing the correct school, and then staying there to begin school that same week (orientation for both schools is on Friday the 28th and classes begin the following Monday the 31st). Most likely B will be returning with my little J staying to live his dream! My dream was to be a Mom, and I have THE MOST AMAZING Young People! I LOVE them beyond measure! Please be safe my little ones! I adore you! xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Parting can be hard, particularly when the parent and the child know that they may not see each other for a long time. I had that experience with my father. We parted on a street corner in New York City. He had come there for his work. I was there on my way to another place. We both knew that I probably would never return to live with my parents under the same roof again.
It was a sunny day, around noontime, the streets crowded with cars and pedestrians. On that particular corner there was a traffic light which stopped the cars in all directions for a few minutes. The light changed to red; the cars stopped. The crowd of pedestrians hurried off the curbs, moving every way, including diagonally, across the intersection.
The time had come for parting, and I started across the street. I stopped almost in the center, with people rushing by me. I turned to look back. Instead of moving off in the crowd, my father was still standing on the corner looking at me. To me he seemed lonely and perhaps a little sad. I wanted to go back to him, but I realized the light would change and so I turned and hurried on.
Years later I talked to him about that moment. He told me that I had misread his face. He said he was not sad; he was concerned. He had seen me look back, as if I were a little boy, uncertain and looking for assurance. He told me in those later years that the thought in his mind had been: “Will he be all right? Have I taught him enough? Is he prepared for whatever may lie ahead?”
There were more than thoughts in his mind. I knew from having watched him that he had feelings in his heart. He yearned for me to be protected, to be safe. I had heard and felt that yearning in his prayers—and even more in the prayers of my mother—for all the years I had lived with them. I had learned from that, and I remembered.
My little J will get on a plane Saturday at noon with his Dad just as President Eyring did in this message, and travel to a far away place - first Virginia and then to New York to investigate two schools who have offered scholarships for him to play basketball. This marks the end of his time here at home. (sobbing!) Have I done enough? Can't we roll back the sands of time and try again. I would change and do so much more! Have I taught him, is he prepared? How will he sleep at night without someone there to tuck him in? Oh Father, how did you let us come to this earth and leave your presence? My heart is heavy. I know I must let him go. It would be wrong for me to hold him back from this dream - this answer to his prayers that he can play college ball. My home will have a huge void! The chicks will not be all tucked in under their safety blankets, I can't check his lights, and kiss his forehead! "I love you forever J! I like you for ALWAYS! For Ever and Ever my Baby you'll be!" Oh how many times have I said that to him as I kissed him long after he is asleep! This is hard!
Today, Tuesday, he is getting his wisdom teeth (all 4) pulled since we most likely won't get him home for more than just a couple of days before January when he can turn in his Missionary Papers to serve the Lord! We learned yesterday afternoon about a testing program where they pay you to pull your teeth, testing the pain medicine administered following the procedure. We have to investigate that this morning, and possibly we will change. The dentist here wants $310/tooth to pull them. This other program they pay you $200-$300 to do it. It is not available here in St. George, he would have to be in Salt Lake, so we will see what happens. That is quite a sum of money $1200 spent verses the $1200 + $300 saved could mean a couple of airline tickets to visit my baby!
Sunday I was searching for a message for B's talk for primary, and was guided to this talk available on the BYU Speeches site, thanks Father for guiding me! We listened to this message as we made Sunday dinner!
"At first, perhaps, you can understand what [God] is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof. . . . But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that . . . does not seem to make sense. . . . He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of. . . . You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace.6" CS Lewis
I pray that J will be guided and directed in making the right decision. I have to plan as if he won't be coming home but rather choosing the correct school, and then staying there to begin school that same week (orientation for both schools is on Friday the 28th and classes begin the following Monday the 31st). Most likely B will be returning with my little J staying to live his dream! My dream was to be a Mom, and I have THE MOST AMAZING Young People! I LOVE them beyond measure! Please be safe my little ones! I adore you! xoxoxoxoxoxoxo