I rose early today, fed my darling little one, cuddled in my arms. Loving every moment, fully aware that it was one week ago that we struggled together, clinging to threads of life together, and yet trying to separate, to emerge, new beings, better, complete, whole in the unity of love.
Tears streamed down my cheeks, and sleep was not possible as I contemplated and reflected on the pains and trials of one week ago. Finally just as the darkness was fleeing, I got dressed, wrapped her in my arms, woke my dear sweetheart as I did a week ago, and begged him to come with me. I needed to be in the newness of the day with God! Shoes on, we headed up the driveway. Our short running route takes us to the top of a dirt bluff not far from our home. I wondered if we could summit the top, walking before the first hints of sunlight began over the horizon. With a beautiful bundle in my arms, my muscle man offered to carry her, "No I need to hold on to her, love, thanks." We visited and he inquired what was up, I just needed to be out and experience this morning, not miss the moment! Thanks for sharing it with me, us.
I realize that at turning points in my life, tears are plentiful! This turning point marks a new beginning. I have come to understand something of mothering, something of giving birth. I have managed to successfully summit that mountain several times successfully now. Where will future mountains be? What will their summit entail? I claim "I can run the marathon because I know where the finish line is!" I asked that much last week, wondering when the trial of labor could come to it's climax, when that little wet, beautiful bundle would be flopped onto my chest to breathe on her own. Guesses were shared, blessings given, and the marathon began. I finished that marathon, crossing the finish line at 7:35 a.m. 8/28/2010 for a culminating event of beautiful life! Wonder! Amazement! Success! 10 toes, 10 fingers, a heart pumping, breathing, lungs crying out magically for comfort and love! What beautiful wonder!
With tears abundant, thanks to post pregnancy emotions, I struggle with the next mountain. I long to be healed and back 100% to the sizes I have known, but not quite yet. And yet, I look to the future, wondering where future marathons will be. I ponder the struggles of friends as they balance their own fitness with family, relationships with self time and training. Where is the balance? I sacrifice so willingly to welcome a new little one here in my arms to this world. Yet, how quickly I fade, wishing selfishly for my own body to be in shape, feeling good. Where is the balance? Where will the future balance lie? I struggle with tears even as we sat on the top of the bluff and talked to our Heavenly Father this morning, with deep gratitude for the blessings of life, looking to the future new day. Where will the dawn be? Where will the finish line be? What will it look like, and we struggle to comprehend anything greater than what we have experienced now eight times, this finish line of ultimate love!
Together we embrace, knowing that the next several years will include our little ones, especially this newest angel (yet without a name) as we teach, train, love and learn together. The highs and lows of parenting, birth is such a climax! To experience the Love of God as He carries me through the valley of the shadow of death, to experience the beauty of life so fully! I love being in His care. Father, where will you have me run now? What directions should I be preparing for? The distance? How far? The finish line, where?
For today, I will hold and cherish this heavenly being!
The others have all gone with B on the boat. I decided that wasn't the best idea as stitches are still healing, this little one is only one week old, maybe the sun and wind isn't the best for her just yet? I am grateful for the walk, talk, commune time we shared this morning, and for today, Angel and I will embrace, cling to each other and ponder the fragility and future of life.
Tears streamed down my cheeks, and sleep was not possible as I contemplated and reflected on the pains and trials of one week ago. Finally just as the darkness was fleeing, I got dressed, wrapped her in my arms, woke my dear sweetheart as I did a week ago, and begged him to come with me. I needed to be in the newness of the day with God! Shoes on, we headed up the driveway. Our short running route takes us to the top of a dirt bluff not far from our home. I wondered if we could summit the top, walking before the first hints of sunlight began over the horizon. With a beautiful bundle in my arms, my muscle man offered to carry her, "No I need to hold on to her, love, thanks." We visited and he inquired what was up, I just needed to be out and experience this morning, not miss the moment! Thanks for sharing it with me, us.
I realize that at turning points in my life, tears are plentiful! This turning point marks a new beginning. I have come to understand something of mothering, something of giving birth. I have managed to successfully summit that mountain several times successfully now. Where will future mountains be? What will their summit entail? I claim "I can run the marathon because I know where the finish line is!" I asked that much last week, wondering when the trial of labor could come to it's climax, when that little wet, beautiful bundle would be flopped onto my chest to breathe on her own. Guesses were shared, blessings given, and the marathon began. I finished that marathon, crossing the finish line at 7:35 a.m. 8/28/2010 for a culminating event of beautiful life! Wonder! Amazement! Success! 10 toes, 10 fingers, a heart pumping, breathing, lungs crying out magically for comfort and love! What beautiful wonder!
With tears abundant, thanks to post pregnancy emotions, I struggle with the next mountain. I long to be healed and back 100% to the sizes I have known, but not quite yet. And yet, I look to the future, wondering where future marathons will be. I ponder the struggles of friends as they balance their own fitness with family, relationships with self time and training. Where is the balance? I sacrifice so willingly to welcome a new little one here in my arms to this world. Yet, how quickly I fade, wishing selfishly for my own body to be in shape, feeling good. Where is the balance? Where will the future balance lie? I struggle with tears even as we sat on the top of the bluff and talked to our Heavenly Father this morning, with deep gratitude for the blessings of life, looking to the future new day. Where will the dawn be? Where will the finish line be? What will it look like, and we struggle to comprehend anything greater than what we have experienced now eight times, this finish line of ultimate love!
Together we embrace, knowing that the next several years will include our little ones, especially this newest angel (yet without a name) as we teach, train, love and learn together. The highs and lows of parenting, birth is such a climax! To experience the Love of God as He carries me through the valley of the shadow of death, to experience the beauty of life so fully! I love being in His care. Father, where will you have me run now? What directions should I be preparing for? The distance? How far? The finish line, where?
For today, I will hold and cherish this heavenly being!
The others have all gone with B on the boat. I decided that wasn't the best idea as stitches are still healing, this little one is only one week old, maybe the sun and wind isn't the best for her just yet? I am grateful for the walk, talk, commune time we shared this morning, and for today, Angel and I will embrace, cling to each other and ponder the fragility and future of life.