This week as I have studied the Doctrine of Christ and the Come Follow Me chapters about Alma the Younger, my thoughts have wandered around about eternity. I was touched last week reading that this life is a "foreshadow" of eternity. Yes, I have always known that, but somehow I was touched.
I suppose this needs some deeper explanations about my childhood family. Oh, it is ugly. I will just summarize to say that in recent years, I have been told by many that they don't think that the problems will work out in this life, it may be the next, but the chances of these problems finding solutions in this life are slim because of the attitudes of one. That has been a hard pill to swallow. Over and over I have tried to revisit the relationship, I have prayed, fasted, and tried hard to listen, to act carefully to move the relationship in a positive direction without success every time. In fact, in recent years, it seems every time I even revisit the relationship I have pushed away with more vigor than before. I have resolved that instead of reaching out there, I will visit the cemetery and communicate with those on the other side of the veil who can see the whole picture, and know of my broken heart.
So when I was hit with this note about this foreshadowing, as I study and ponder the foreshadow of the law of Moses, and what that meant, my heart is heavy and I wish that I could solve these problems. My mind wandered to the scripture about the same sociality that exists in this life, will be among us there, coupled with glory. (D&C 130:2) That "same sociality" here means the silent treatment, ignoring, and no contact. I was overwhelmed for a day or so as I contemplated this, and then I recognized again, that I can only control me. I can only make my choices. I get to choose to be who I determine to be. I need to follow the Doctrine of Christ, and not get derailed by their choices.
I am so grateful that my Savior knows my heart. He knows my needs. He knows my desires for positive relationships!
Alma the Younger was making choices that went contrary to the wishes of his family. Through the prayers of his family, his attitude was changed. He came to recognize that his choices mattered and that he needed to change his ways. Oh how I want to have the Savior wrap His loving arms around me. Tears. I wish I had an "earthly home with parents kind and dear," (I am a Child of God song) but that was not the home I was sent to. I have to move forward with faith, believing that my Heavenly Parents knew I would need extra angels to carry me through. I get to be a different kind of parent to my own kids! I get to GATHER them together and shower them with love. I want to support them in their goals and ambitions! I want them to excel in all they do! I believe that it is jealousy that has separated my birth family from me, and I shun all signs of that in my life!