This post was written for my Family Relations class in response to identifying red flags before marriage, and a short video clip from the movie Singles Ward which is pitiful!
Oh goodness. What a disaster! "What were some of the smaller flags that just might be red?" There were tons of "flaming billboards" in this clip, and how embarrassing that "hillbilly clans from Utah" have that kind of reputation!!
Relationships are so vital. Building trust. Learning about each other. Finding common ground in goals, ambitions, and dreams. Learning about the habits of the other. These things are not easily, quickly built overnight, especially in two days as in the Singles Ward movie clip shared.
This discussion reminds me of a comical video clip of a Christian Preacher on youtube: https://youtu.be/P6PKlrs1fRU
Before committing to a marriage, the answers to these silly questions really are important. We can laugh at the simplicity, personal nature of some of these questions, "What is your relationship with soap and water? What do you look like without makeup in the morning? How do you act when you get mad? Do you throw things? Do you have a job? Do you live with your momma?" and on and on. Just simple even comical conversations about every day, little things help us understand and see into the world of someone else.
When we choose to marry, we are choosing to adopt, become one with all those maybe even repulsive questions like Christoph asks in Frozen: "Does he pick his nose?"Truth is: we might not want to know the answer, but those become the "flaming billboards" after the wedding bells ring that ignite the cremation of the marriage contract.
I was taught once that the best way to prepare for marriage was to become the person I wanted to marry. Indeed, we only control our own actions and behaviors. I determined that I didn't want to do anything that I would regret sharing with that person someday. When I found him, I learned that he had set a similar requirement for himself. He determined that he wanted to be able to talk to the future husbands and children of those he dated and tell them how awesome their mom was and what fun they had together. What a blessing that he didn't (and still doesn't) have things hiding in the closet! Transparency, but not as defined by politicians! Transparency as in front window glass in your car window! Sure, it might even have bugs smashed on it. No one is perfect. But at least there is no place to hide any lurking bad habit!
I believe strongly that the only way we can know who it is we are to marry is to feel it with every fiber of your being. I believe that love is caring deeply and sincerely about the physical, emotional, spiritual, mental, and social well being of another. If that is sincerely how you feel about that other person, and you know they feel that about you - not just physical attraction, but commitment to caring for each other as whole people. Then I believe we should ask God to know by the power of the Holy Ghost if that person is who we should commit to. If and when that confirmation comes then we should go forward supporting, caring, following, leading, sharing, lifting! When you know, with that complete knowledge, then you know when times get tough that somehow, something greater than yourself knows that you can make it through that struggle!