—Elder David A. Bednar (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, April 2014)
This week with my Gathering group, our discussion for Teachings of the Book of Mormon centered around the case study for the Insight assignment about a son who doesn't understand the Gathering. One of the sisters, not knowing that she was treading on troubled waters, jumped into defending those coming home early from missions, squarely putting the blame for lack of teaching and example on the shoulders of their parents. Ouch. I tried to listen with Christlike understanding, but I finally just had to break in and share that the last year has been so difficult! My own son came home early. I don't even understand now a year later why. We were told it was for a worthiness issue, but two weeks after he got home his friend was getting married in the temple. He was allowed to go to the temple. Six months later, he was in the temple with his Sister getting married. He got lost in the shuffle between Bishop and Stake President, and neither of them have helped him resolve whatever that worthiness issue was! Frustrating! I have come to believe that I don't think it was a worthiness issue at all. I think he made something up so he could come home. It was hard, and he and his new mission president didn't see eye to eye. The girl he was hoping to impress by going on a mission married someone else - in the temple so if it was a worthiness issue with the two of them, was she not also needing repentance? I have no idea really. He has said it was something with her. Anyway, nothing has changed in a year. It is hard! I was counseled strongly by our Stake President to not judge. Just to Love him with all my heart as the Savior would. He would extend warm arms of acceptance.
This week I am supposed to share what I think a parent of a child who doesn't understand their part of the gathering is supposed to share. Wow. That gathering was difficult. There were two of us with sons both struggling. Others seemed so harsh about how parents need to do their job. My son is a good kid - all the way through. I can't make him do what I want him to do, and the more I push, the further he runs away. Tithing is not paid by duress from the Bishop. It is paid and rewarded according to our heartfelt desire and willingness to pay it.
If I make my son go back on a mission, and he doesn't want to be there - is that my own pride pushing him? I can't make him do anything! Even just come to dinner or cut his hair! If I say anything about his long hair, he postpones cutting it another month - or more! Peer pressure, parent pressure, societal pressure are not the right reason to be obedient.
3 Nephi 18: 22 And behold, ye shall ameet together oft; and ye shall not forbid any man from coming unto you when ye shall meet together, but suffer them that they may come unto you and forbid them not;
23 But ye shall apray for them, and shall not cast them out; and if it so be that they come unto you oft ye shall pray for them unto the Father, in my name.
Praying, wishing, feeling rather beat up this week by others in my gathering and their judgments of the parents of returned missionaries.
We recently went for a hike to the top of a new mountain near us (see photos above), as we climbed on the top precipice, the going was tricky and steep on both sides. I said out loud to the five young people, my kids, climbing ahead of me that I was scared, and felt off-balance. Not because I was off, but in watching them, it made me scared! I was scared for my 8 yr old, my 18 yr old jumped off a ledge, I screamed. They say when you have children it is like taking your heart out of your body, putting it on legs, and watching it run around. Times five this trip! Not only was I scared as my husband navigated the cliff edges trying to find a way for us to go, but as I watched my posterity struggle, one falling with a black eye today, I felt the pressure of wishing I could make their careful choices for them. Scrapes and bleeding from the scratchy bushes. I want to protect them.
Is it right to climb? Yes. I know it is good for us to venture, to try, to set goals, and reach higher and higher. There was only one peak higher than we were yesterday. But some would say it is irresponsible and unwise to be there, and certainly to take young people there. I think that doing hard things helps prepare us for hard things - like missions! I HAVE done my best! I don't know what more I could have done to prepare my son to serve a successful mission. Oh, tears. The attacks on parents this week were brutal. Trying to forget them and know that I have climbed - I have seen - I have experienced and others will judge and point and mock, but only my Savior knows! Only He recognizes the importance of individual agency. The importance of our own choices! He knows the heart of my son, and that he needs love and kindness.
The gathering is happening.
To compound this problem this week, an elderly lady assigned as my ministering sister called this week and questioned me about Samuel for an hour. She said she was praying for him. I didn't take offense at her call, but then two days later she called again early in the morning. She said she needed to apologize. She said she had been chastened by the Lord. She admited that she had viewed herself as better than Sam, that she needed to save him. She was prompted to realize that he might actually be closer to the Savior than she is and that she should not judge. Right?
CoVid quarantine has only compounded the problems of this return. Not only did he come home, and try to hid, not wanting to talk to anyone in the ward, or the leaders. There was some confusion about who would handle his repentance. The Stake President started, but then said he got a letter that the repentance part should be handled by his Bishop. So the Bishop tried to get involved, but didn't know what had happened with the Stake President. The letter from the General Authority sending him home said he needed to write a letter and have three months at home. It didn't say anything about his recommend, or taking the sacrament. So, in all the mess, nothing happened. The Bishop said it was being handled by the Stake President, the Stake President says it is being handled by the Bishop. I finally wrote to the Mission President, and got a copy of the letter from the General Authority and forwarded it to both of them. I gave a copy to Samuel, but he had been home for a few months at that point, and didn't really want to have anything to do with any of it. He somehow felt he had resolved this issue before he left. He says he told his companion in the field that if the new mission president sent him home over this, he was not coming back. I know that Sam's heart is not in the right place. I see there is also a miscommunication problem here between all these priesthood holders and the new mission president.
Sam's patriarchal blessing says that his mission president will be influential in his life. I took the lead and sent him a few lines from his blessing sharing that insight, hoping he would see that he needed to stay involved and help get him back out there. By that point, he had not reached out to him one time. He asked for his cell number and email, saying that he would reach out, but to my knowledge that never happened. I can't control others. I can only make my own choices. At this time, the best I can do is pray for all of us to be careful about the choices that we each make every day!
I love this quote, and it sounds like Elder Bednar loves it too!
I conclude with a teaching by the Prophet Joseph Smith that I consider to be the latter-day disciple’s mission statement:
. . . the Standard of Truth has been erected; no unhallowed hand can stop the work from progressing; persecutions may rage, mobs may combine, armies may assemble, calumny may defame, but the truth of God will go forth boldly, nobly, and independent, till it has penetrated every continent, visited every clime, swept every country, and sounded in every ear, till the purposes of God shall be accomplished, and the Great Jehovah shall say the work is done. (Statement of the Prophet Joseph Smith in the Wentworth Letter, written March 1, 1842. See History of the Church, Vol. 4, p. 540) https://www2.byui.edu/Presentations/transcripts/devotionals/2004_08_31_bednardavid.htm
Brothers and sisters, we are blessed to be in a special place—a Disciple Preparation Center—and to be engaged at a pivotal time in an essential work. As disciples we have important lessons to learn; we have an eternally important work to do. And in these tumultuous times, we will follow the Master.
Somehow I don't think that we understand all there is to understand about the Gathering. Just as starting a company has so many details we should take into consideration. Details like Good to Great. Putting the Right people on the bus. The importance of taking risks, continuing to change and grow. The importance of trusting people, and not only trusting after they have earned or proved it, but trusting people until reason otherwise. All these same principles apply to my life, my business, and my relationships with my family, friends and coworkers.
Last week I quoted the thought "Why Climb?" Indeed, I have climbed. I have seen. I know there is more than what we see on the surface to everything in life! Yes, we need to just move forward, not judging, not being critical. Just loving, supporting, being kind and uplifting!