I loved my class from Reed Bensen. I recently found this transcript of a talk he gave on Homeschooling. He is funny! I can hear his cute humorous voice through these words: http://www.lds-ohea.org/articles/StewardshipEducation1998.html
Here are results from the Parenting test I was assigned to take in my Family class this week:
In contrast to coercive parenting, where adult author-ity dominates excessively, Baumrind (1996b) notes that in the permissive style, children are essentially consid-ered parental equals in terms of rights, but not in terms of responsibilities. Although permissive parents exert a degree of control over their children, they do so to a much lesser degree than coercive and authoritative parents.
Permissive parents tend to avoid using their authority to control their children’s behavior, tolerate children’s impulses (including aggression), encourage children to make their own decisions without providing necessary parameters, and refrain from imposing structure on chil-dren’s time (such as establishing bedtime, mealtime, or limits on computer usage). They also keep restrictions, demands for mature behavior, and consequences for mis-behavior at a minimum. Social science research suggests that children raised bypermissive parents may have greater difficulty respecting others, coping with frustration, delaying gratification for a greater goal, and following through with plans. Unlike coercive parenting, in which child outcomes are predom-inately negative, permissive parenting produces mixed results. Children of permissive parents have often been found to be quite social and to have low rates of depres-sion and anxiety, but they tend to do less well academi-cally, are more defiant of authority, and have a higher rate of adolescent sexual activity and drug and alcohol use. Overindulging children is a form of permissiveness
that requires careful consideration. As a member of the Seventy, Elder Joe J. Christensen (1999, p. 9) counseled:
We should avoid spoiling children by giving them too much. In our day, many children grow up with distorted values because we as parents overindulge them. . . . One of the most important things we can teach our children is to deny themselves. Instant gratification generally makes for weak people.
Elder Neal A. Maxwell (1999, p. 2) taught:
A few of our wonderful youth and young adults in the Church are unstretched—they have almost a free pass. Perks are provided, including cars complete with fuel and insurance—all paid for by parents who sometimes listen in vain for a few courteous and appreciative words. What is thus taken for granted . . . tends to underwrite selfish-ness and a sense of entitlement.
In summary, permissive parenting does not fit well
with proclamation principles. As has been noted, par-ents are charged with the responsibility to guide and teach the principles of the gospel to their children by example and precept (see D&C 68:25–28). As President David O. McKay (1955, p. 26) observed, “Children are more influenced by sermons you act than by the ser-mons you preach.” The authoritative parenting style. The optimal parent-ing style is the authoritative parenting style. Authorita-tive parenting fosters a positive emotional connection with children, provides for regulation that places fair and consistent limits on child behavior, and allows for reasonable child autonomy in decision making. This style creates a positive emotional climate that helps children be more open to parental input and direction, and allows for parents to individualize child rearing as encouraged by Brigham Young when he enjoined parents to “study their [children’s] dispositions and their temperaments, and deal with them accordingly” (Widtsoe, 1978, p. 207). Some children, for example, may require more limits, while others may respond better to more latitude, depending on their predispositions. Children and adolescents reared by authoritative
parents tend to be better adjusted to school; are less aggressive and delinquent; are less likely to abuse drugs; are more friendly and accepted by peers; are more com-municative, self-motivated, and academically inclined; and are more willing to abide by laws. They are also more capable of moral reasoning and are more self-controlled (Hart et al., 2003). For Latter-day Saint families, the implication is that such children are more willing to abide by and reap the blessings of spiritual laws as well. Positive parenting styles are likely more effective when parents are unified in their parenting efforts. In sum, authoritative parenting consists of three well-defined and researched characteristics: connection, regulation, and autonomy. These characteristics might also be referred to as love, limits, and latitude (Hart, Newell, & Haupt, 2008). Research has shown that Latter-day Saint parents who take the time to become emotionally connected with their teens, set regulatory limits, and foster auton-omy in ways described later are far more likely to have adolescents who are careful in their selection of peers, regardless of what part of the country they live in. Children reared in these types of family environments, where prayer, scripture study, and religious values are stressed, were also more likely to internalize religiosity. Personal prayer and scripture study, as well as private spiritual experiences, were found to be a deterrent to delinquent behavior (Top & Chadwick, 1998