I have really appreciated reading the book "The Five dysfunctions of a team" which I was assigned to read for an Organizational Leadership class at BYUI this semester. It was also recommended for our family book club a couple of weeks ago by a married daughter, L, whose new employer wanted her to read it before she started a prestigious new job. What a great way to be welcomed to a team, understanding these pitfalls so they can avoid them.
I have pondered deeply how difficult it is for families to have a common purpose. In the book, it was clear for their business team to outline a goal for 18 new sales in the next year. What kind of goals do we have in our family which we can all agree to? With the different agendas of every member of the family, it is difficult to set a common direction with responsibilities for each. Even as we plan for holiday times together, if the team members lack commitment or there are no clear lines of accountability, then it is difficult to find success. Even choosing to participate in the reading of this book in our book club was disputed. Two teen daughters said it didn't apply to them, they weren't interested, refused to read, and didn't attend the book club discussion. Another major difference in a family team is we can't just invite people to get off the bus.
I love the principles taught in the pages of this book. I noted carefully when Kathryn would wait for others to see and respond, applying the principles themselves. It is one thing for the leader to know the direction, and attempt to pull everyone along using kind persuasion. However, it is another to allow others the time and space to learn for themselves. I believe the Savior loves us and he refuses to allow us to stay the same, He wants us to change and become something better than we are today. Parenting is difficult! Agency is heartbreaking especially when the values of young people don't align with Gospel standards. I love this discussion prompt, pushing us to apply these principles to our family teams.
I appreciated the definition and clarification of the meaning of trust: "Trust is the confidence among team members that their peer's intentions are good, and that there is no reason to be protective or careful around the group" (Lencioni, pg 195). What a vital base for the foundation of a good team. I feel I need to look at this introspectively as a parent and then try to stand in the shoes of my kids. As a parent, if I can't trust what they are telling me, if they are lying about use of phones, where they are going, or what is really happening in their life, then I am not trusting, giving my best to the team.
If I try to stand in the shoes of my kids if I don't like the rules of my parents, and I don't see why I should follow their rules, then why tell them? I just can't even stand there, because I have to live with myself and so, I want to be fit for myself to know! I want to look myself straight in the eye. I choose to live with intention and be what I believe. I choose to be authentic, and to not be decpetive.